"Gary Grant's Gigantic Gauges"

Image by Ryan Malone

Gary Grant’s Gigantic Gauges

By Debra A. Cole

Little Gary Grant pierced gauges in his ears

and found a way to push through

all the pain and all the tears.

He started small and soon received

so much glory and acclaim 

then bigger and bigger grew Gary’s plan,

his gauges and his fame.

“Wow, Gary, you sure have cool ears!”

cried the girls within his class.

“Dude, I want to be just like you,”

said the boys with tons of sass.

As Gary’s fame traveled far and wide

his gauges grew larger and larger.

Within his holes fit pennies, nickels, quarters,

starfish, and even a cell phone charger.

Soon plates and frisbees filled his ears

then tires and wooden tables.

Then children jumped ropes with his lobes

to exaggerate this fable.

Upon a day of sun and joy,

Gary decided to skip home.

He jumped and frolicked with his ears

and cried, “I am not done!”

“I will not stop until my lobes

are larger than the sun.

My fame will reign throughout the land

for I am number one.”

With Gary’s last proclamation,

he did a spin and found

that the chain link fence to his right

had torn his ear lobe down.

Rip, Zip, Rip, Zip

the holy circle tore

and Gary’s gigantic gauges of fame

would be celebrated no more.